04.25.00
01.09.04

Dear Alice,
I was supposed to go to school today, but I
didn’t. I couldn’t get out of bed, and then I
couldn’t leave my room, and when I finally
could the back door was locked and I couldn’t go
outside. I lost the phone. I decided to stay
home since I couldn’t go anywhere and the cats
might want some company, but all they do is
sleep. Mrs. Graelyn won’t speak to me ‘cause she
knows I’m supposed to be in school and
Topher kept using the litter box while
I was trying to eat breakfast and the
stench was awful. So I yelled and threw things
at her and now she won’t speak to me either.
I sat in a big chair and ate candy and
wore my pyjamas all day. Andy sleeps in his
closet most all the time now. It’s not fair, it
was my idea first, only there’s no room in my
closet ‘cause of everything in it. I think
I’m going to run away and live in a cave
except I can’t leave the house. I wish we
had a basement ‘cause that would be a good
place to hide, plus also there might be a
cave leading off it. Wehave an attic but
it’s just a tiny place for birds and scary
monster things to hide in.
I called a psychiatrist and I’m going
to go see him on Thursday, but that
means missing class again and I have
finals in a week. I’m going to fail everything. It
will be a spectacular failure. When I teach
college I will give everyone naptime and
then we will play dress-up where everyone
has to trade at least 3 articles of clothing
and write about what it’s like to wear
someone else’s style. Then I will pass out
cookies with little chunks of anti-depressants
baked in instead of chocolate chips. Everyone
who wants to will go to calculus and
physics and everyone who doesn’t will play
on the playground, which will be full of big
swings and hammocks and see-saws and tire swings
and saucers. In English/Grammer
classes everyone has to invent a new language and
gets extra credit if they use it all day, and
in Chemistry we’ll practice turning twinkies
into gold and creating new designer drugs.
After lunch the teacher will read us undiscovered
fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm and give
everyone a prize. Then we will all get on a
huge flying carpet which will take us home
again. I can’t wait to take over the
world.
Love,
Shayna Maydela